just forget the world
by SparkleMouse
Summary: She's forgotten how light it is up here at night, the way the buildings across the city cast their glow. There's clarity above the city, above solid ground.


AN: This takes place in November of season 6. Just a warning that there are a couple of spoilers for the upcoming season.

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The blanket around her is heavy; a nearly six hundred dollar Geneva goose down comforter that she'd pulled from his closet, rarely used and soft to the touch. The November air is biting when she steps out onto the roof, but the sky is clear; all black velvet and faded stars. She walks further out – past the greenhouse of wilting plants and fallen leaves – and finds Castle on one of the old beach chairs they had dragged up there one night over the summer when the fighting was too much and the silence deafening. She takes a step closer, can hear the ice clinking in his scotch as he turns the glass in even circles, sees the weaving of amber liquid as it sloshes from side to side. She's forgotten how light it is up here at night, the way the buildings across the city cast their glow. The apartment across the street - the one where she had thrown his elaborate birthday celebration - had been rented soon after, the lights always bright well after midnight.

_Bet he's an artist,_ Castle had mused late one night and when she had asked why he had smiled and leaned his head back against the chair, staring up into the night. _It's easier to work when the rest of the world is asleep._

She notices they're off tonight and she can't help but wonder if he was ever an artist at all. There were a lot of mindless discussions over that period of time; anything to take the focus off the decisions she had made regarding the job, the answer to a proposal she never should have given. On the night she gave him the ring back and told him _Yes, but not now, not like this_, he had remained quiet until he started to name the stars, until he taught her lessons in astronomy that she was never aware he knew. And when evening turned to dawn and the mindless conversations were done, he asked if that was the end, if DC had won and an entire year with four years of history before it meant a thing.

It hadn't been the end, of course, not when she's been coming back each weekend she's free, when he's spent weeks holed up in her apartment - the Washington skyline vast outside her windows - writing. The engagement still goes unspoken, but they talk more than they ever have; about the meaningless, the important, and everything else in between.

"Hey," she says quietly, brushing her hand over his shoulder.

He startles, the ice knocking together in a less than rhythmic fashion, but she can see the lift of his lips, the clearing of his eyes as she sits in the chair beside him. "Thought you were working this weekend."

"Time off for good behavior." Kate fiddles with the edge of the blanket, pulling it tighter around her. "You okay?"

His wrist stops moving and he lifts the glass to his lips, savors the bitter slide of scotch before he answers. "The boys told you?"

"Espo called and left me a message. The question is," she reaches out and takes the alcohol from him, lets it warm her from the inside out, "why didn't you?"

"It's been a big week for you, Beckett. It's been a _busy_ week. I figured a conversation about working with my father required more than messages and emails." Castle slides his hand underneath the blanket, finding her fingers, linking them together. "What did Sito say?"

"Not much, although he did mention Ryan thought your dad was ruggedly handsome."

The smile pulls at the corner of his mouth. "I knew I didn't stand a chance around Hunt. Should I be worried about losing Ryan's affections?"

"I think you're still the front runner," Kate laughs. She turns her head so she can look at him, the way he said _Hunt_ rolling around in her brain. He still doesn't know his own father's name and from his profile she can see how exhausted he is, the lines around his eyes pronounced, the worry etched into his skin. She's not sure what happened out there just as she hadn't known about Paris, not until one morning in late August, secrets unbinding in the humid Long Island air. "Castle-"

"Tomorrow, Kate. Tonight, let me just - tomorrow."

"Okay."

The silence stretches between them and she closes her eyes, breathing in the crisp air. She's freezing, but it's liberating up here: the force of the winds, the rustling of the leaves, the way it's almost hard to breathe and somehow easier than it's been for weeks, possibly even months. There's clarity above the city, above solid ground. Castle's thumb strokes her ring finger, the white tan line still visible all these months later and she lets the air go, her words coming loose, shattering the quiet.

"I'm quitting the task force."

"What happened?"

She squeezes his hand, searching for the right words. On the job, she doesn't stumble; she's direct and focused and in charge but with him she allows herself to choose, to fumble for what's right. "The job is amazing, Castle. It's the kind of job people dream of and I've learned so much from Rachel, but it's not where I belong. I spent twelve years looking for my mother's murderer. Even when I wasn't investigating it, it's what drove me. The moment we found Bracken, the moment I cut a deal with him after _everything_, that was it. The reason I became a cop had been put to rest and I didn't know who I was supposed to be anymore. I went to DC because it was a chance to be more than who I was."

"You want to know why I chose you as the inspiration for Nikki Heat?"

Her lips lift in a wry smile. "Because I'm tall."

"Yes," Castle laughs, but then he's serious again, his eyes dark, yet light enough to see the truth behind them, the dedication. "You think it was your mother's murder that made you a good cop, and that's part of it, but you've always been more than that. You never back down from the truth. You fight for justice because you believe in it. You're compassionate with victims families - not because you understand it - but because that's who you are. You never needed to prove you were more, Beckett. Not to me, not to your colleagues, and certainly not to yourself. Bringing down Bracken was one truth, one story. There are thousands of more for you to uncover whether it be in DC, New York, or anywhere else for that matter."

"You sound like my dad. He used to talk about my mom like that."

"He still does," Castle amends. "It looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

Kate's chest clenches, memories of her mother filling every crevice of her brain. It happens when she least expects it, flashes of what Johanna would think of all of this. She's spent years trying to prove something to her mother's ghost, to make her proud when drowning was always so much closer than she wanted to admit. The tears gather behind her eyes and she tilts her head on the back of the chair so she's facing him. She won't let the ghosts win tonight, not like this. "And yet somehow Alexis ended up so much smarter than you."

He gasps, an adorable display of mock outrage. "I'm offended! But yeah, you're right." She laughs. "Okay, so you're leaving. Where are we saving the world next? China? Guam? Oh, can we fight crime in Bora Bora?"

There's something about the way he says _we_, almost as if he doesn't remember the secrets she had held, the lies they had told. He's beside her like he's always been and it settles the pounding in her heart. "I want to be back at the twelfth. I miss the boys. I miss laying in bed and feeling a rush from your theories even when I'm half asleep and yelling at you to shut up and go to bed. I miss solving murders and not having to deal with bureaucratic bullshit. It's time to come home, Castle."

"Gates is not going to be happy." She glares at him, but he's grinning and he looks happier than he has in a long time. "About me coming back as your partner. I think as much as she misses you and your closure rate she's thrilled not to have to deal with me. Maybe I should I buy her a welcome back present?"

"For staying in the same place?"

"Right. Should she be buying me one? Do you think she still hates me enough that she'd poison me? Or _accidentally_ shoot me?"

"Stop putting the cart before the horse, bud. She has to let me back first."

"She'll let you back. Who else is she going to compete with?"

"She doesn't compete with me. Anymore."

A blast of wind whooshes past them and Kate shivers, the goose down doing nothing to protect her from the chill that slices through her. Her fingers clench around his involuntarily.

"Come here," and before he even finishes his sentence, he's pulling her onto his chair, settling her against the wall of his chest. She fits between his legs somewhat cramped, but the heat from his body is already warming her, lulling her into a state of relaxation. It's been a long time since she's sat with him like this; a long time since their ghosts weren't hanging in the air around them, a reminder of everything they had almost lost. "I'm here, Beckett," Castle murmurs, his breath hot at her ear. "No matter what."

"I know."

His arms wrap around her waist, anchoring her to him, and she rests her head back against his shoulder. The stars are dull but she still remembers some of their names, the technical breakdown he had given her about nebulae and plasma and thermonuclear fusion. He had created stories of how unnamed stars came to be, teased her that her once favorite show was about nothing more than clouds and dust. _That's part of the point_, she had said, teeth gritted. _The earth had been destroyed, they had nothing but remains, but they could be anything, Castle. They could start all over again, reinvent themselves. _She had thrown something at him then, food or a petal off a broken flower or she had quite possibly smacked his arm. _And what did I say about making fun?_

He had smiled and apologized after that - the world around them, their problems forgotten for the time being. She realizes now that's why he's out here. It's not about needing air, but wanting to forget the reappearance of his father, the disappearance once again when the mission was done. She runs her hands over his jean clad thighs and snuggles deeper in his embrace and the blanket.

"Let's go somewhere before I start work again. Someplace away from all of this."

"South of France?"

She rolls her eyes. "You just want to see me naked on a beach."

"What?" There's so much false indignation in his voice and it reminds her of those first few weeks they were together, the time before she had gone back to work and they were still discovering what they were.

"Your subtly could use some work, Castle."

"Yeah, I didn't try very hard, did I?"

"You never have in that department."

She can feel the grin against the back of her head and she sighs the moment his fingers brush through her hair. He's still not used to the shorter strands, not when they continue their trek down her back, tickling, almost expecting more. She's missed this. The comfort of how he'd touch her in these moments; almost unaware, like nothing had ever been more familiar. "Marseille, Raja Ampat, Edinburgh, Playa Del Carmen. I'll take you anywhere you wanna go."

"Did you know the national animal of Scotland is the unicorn?"

"Looks like we found our destination."

She catches a glimpse of the moon, bright and looming above. "What about your property on the moon?

"One day." Castle points his free hand toward the sky. "Right there. That's where the property is."

"You cannot possibly know what piece you own from here!"

He shrugs. "Yeah, I have no idea."

"What do you think it's like up there?"

"More importantly, how do you go to the bathroom there?"

"It's sort of like a diaper genie," she explains. "There's a plastic bag that's sealed and forced to the bottom of a cylinder. When that's filled another replaces it. The older models only had a fourteen day capacity for storage of waste. It wasn't odor free and relied solely on air flow."

"We can cross the moon off our list. I'm going with France. We can use a bidet! I suddenly feel the need to be very clean."

_"_Suddenly? That's good to know."

Kate pulls her knees up to her chest, lets the quiet filter around them again. He's thinking, formulating something she's not quite sure of yet. She gives him the time, staring up into the vast expanse of the sky that almost takes her breath away. It had taken them a long time to get to this point and she relishes in their silence now. It's no longer the things unspoken, the insecurities, the fear. She doesn't constantly think about those things Meredith had said to her last year anymore because she knows tomorrow isn't an excuse, it's a promise.

The strands of hair fall onto her shoulder from the crevices of his fingers. "I'm never going to really know him, am I?"

"Maybe not in the way you want, but you know more than you did a year ago. You know he's proud of you. You know he values your opinions and skills enough to get your help again. It's something, Castle."

"But will it ever be enough?"

She unfolds her legs and turns around, cocooned around the web of him and the goose down. She touches his cheek, feels the way he tilts into her, seeking comfort. "I don't know."

Castle rests his forehead against her, kisses her softly. "It's after midnight. We should go down. You must be exhausted."

"I am, but can we stay a little while longer?"

"We've battled hypothermia once before. Why not again?"

Kate narrows her eyes at him, rearranging herself so her head rests against his heart. It beats steadily in her ear: solid and strong, so much like him. Her body begins to melt, the tension unwinding from her shoulders and spine. She's falling asleep when the deep cadence of his voice pulls her back into reality.

"You're sure this is what you want?"

She sees it all right in front of her: marriage and children, weekends in the Hamptons when the weather is less than ideal. There are faces of victims, the justice she's given, the fights she's lost. She thinks of the white board in the precinct with her handwriting and Castle's theories lingering in small print as if she wouldn't see; the boys who are her brothers, who make her better at what she loves to do. There are victories in DC, but none that have the same meaning without them by her side.

"I'm sure."

His heart skips a beat underneath her. "Welcome home, Kate."

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_Thoughts and comments always welcomed. Thanks for reading!_


End file.
